February’s Hottest Moves: Who’s Stepping Up & Who’s Stepping Out?

If you clicked in hoping for a step-by-step guide to reviving the Macarena on TikTok, the 90s just paged—they want their dance craze back. But don’t worry, we’ve got the inside scoop on the moves that actually matter this month. From celebrities ditching their mega-mansions to athletes swapping jerseys like it’s a high-stakes game of musical chairs, here’s everything you need to know about who’s making power moves—and who’s just awkwardly flailing like they’re stuck in a failed Running Man.

Money Moves & the “Mashed Potato” of Contracts: Who’s Kicking Up Deals or Just Flailing?

February is almost over, and while the rest of us are still convincing ourselves that 2024 was only a week ago, celebrities and athletes have been out here making major moves—some smooth, some strategic, and some that look like the Mashed Potato gone horribly wrong (but let’s be honest, that move has been confusing people since the 60’s). 

From mansions trading hands to NFL players hopping teams like a high stakes game of musical chairs, let’s break down who’s owning the dance floor and who’s got two left feet.

🏡 Real Estate “Rock Step”: Buying, Selling & Price-Chopping Like Pros

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Wallet Does the “Reverse Nae Nae”

Goop’s fearless leader just sold her Brentwood mansion for $35.7 million—a solid payday, but still $9.3 million less than she originally asked. Even Hollywood royalty has to humble themselves in this market. Let’s just hope the new owner isn’t allergic to the lingering scent of sage and sustainably harvested eucalyptus.

Will Arnett “Rolls Out“ of Beverly Hills

The voice of Lego Batman and everyone’s favorite failed magician from Arrested Development is selling his Beverly Hills home for $22.5 million. Sounds steep, but when you factor in the sound booth, floating staircase, and whatever comedic genius is embedded in the walls, maybe it’s a steal. He originally bought it for $16.4 million in 2021, proving that comedians aren’t just masters of timing—they’re also secret real estate moguls.

🏈 NFL Contract “Cupid Shuffle”: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back?

Mason Crosby’s “Roger Rabbit” into Retirement

After 17 seasons with the Packers, Crosby is officially hanging up his cleats. Green Bay fans are feeling all the emotions, while Bears fans are just relieved they won’t have to watch him break their hearts with another last-second field goal.

Leonard Williams Does the “Ripple” to Free Up Seahawks Cash

Williams has restructured his contract, freeing up $14 million in cap space. Whether that money will build a Super Bowl contender or just fund another mid-tier free agent lineman remains to be seen.

Diontae Johnson’s “Running Man” to Baltimore

Steelers fans, look away—Johnson is now a Raven. Pittsburgh claims they’ll be fine without him, but watching him catch dimes from Lamar Jackson is going to sting.

🏀 NBA & WNBA: ”The Robot” and the Roster “Shuffle”

David Roddy’s “Quick-Step” from Atlanta to Philly

Waived by the Hawks, Roddy landed a 10-day contract with the 76ers. This is the NBA equivalent of crashing on your friend’s couch while you figure things out, but hey—he’s still got a shot.

Brittney Griner’s “Real Estate & Roster Remix” in Atlanta

Griner isn’t just switching teams, she’s elevating them. Her move to the Atlanta Dream immediately shakes up the WNBA landscape. If you’re a fan, it’s time to mark your calendar—this team just got dangerous.

Alyssa Thomas does “The Twist” into Phoenix, Connecticut Fans Sob

Thomas, an MVP-caliber player, is headed to the Mercury. Connecticut fans are still in denial, while Phoenix fans are already Googling parade routes.

Courtney Vandersloot’s “V-Step” Back to Chicago

After some time away, Vandersloot is likely returning to the Sky, proving that sometimes, the best move is coming home.

🏡🏀🏈 Final Take: Who’s Leading the “Line Dance” and Who’s Offbeat?

February’s been packed with slick moves, questionable flips, and a few stumbles. Some are setting themselves up for success (Griner, Williams, Johnson), while others are still trying to find their rhythm (Roddy, the Steelers’ front office).

And let’s not forget the biggest takeaway: Even wellness gurus have to detox their expectations when the market has other plans.