Overheard in Dubai: “Just Sign the EOI” and Other Pressure Tactics

Things our founder probably definitely heard from most of the other 200k brokers in Dubai.

Broker:

“It’ll rent before handover.”

“Fabulous. I’ll have the imaginary tenant wire their imaginary deposit now.”

Broker:

“You’ll make 17% ROI, guaranteed.”

“Great, should I quit my job or just buy a yacht today?”

Broker:

“Prices are going up tomorrow.”

“So is the sun, but no one’s charging me AED 3M for it.”

Broker:

“The EOI deposit is fully refundable.”

“Of course. And my last Tinder date was emotionally available.”

Broker:

“Only 3 units left.”

“In this building? Or in the entire world?”

Broker:

“The developer is very selective.”

“They just took a down payment from a guy named ‘CryptoLion’ on Telegram.”

Broker:

“It’s exclusive. I’m the only one marketing it.”

“So why is it on Property Finder, Bayut, Facebook Marketplace, and stapled to my car windshield?”

Broker:

“It’s launch pricing—won’t last the day.”

“It launched 9 weeks ago and your cousin still hasn’t sold his unit.”

Broker:

“The client before you lost out because they hesitated.”

“Good for them. Are they free for dinner?”

Broker:

“It’ll be ready by Q4.”

“Of which year? Asking for my future grandchildren.”

Broker:

“You’re lucky I got you this unit.”

“It was literally emailed to me by 6 different agencies. Including one guy selling sneakers.”

Broker:

“Let’s just lock it in and worry about the details later.”

“Sure. That worked out great with my last haircut.”

Broker:

“There’s a 0% vacancy rate in Dubai.”

“So even the construction cranes are occupied now? That’s amazing. Do tenants come pre-installed with the fridge, or is that extra?”

Real Talk:

The EOI is not a receipt. It’s a handshake with a consequence.

If a broker’s pitch sounds like a fairytale, remember: Even Cinderella had a curfew.

Buying in Dubai can be a phenomenal investment…

If you do your homework.

If you ask the right questions.

If you’re working with someone who knows the laws, the buildings, the timelines, and the actual math.

But if you think this is just Airbnb + autopilot + mojito…

You’re gonna learn what “due diligence” means the hard way.

Stay tuned for next month’a Overheard in Dubai -  ‘It’s Not Ghosting If He Still Watches Your Stories’ and more sound dating advice.