Overheard in Dubai: Office Culture, Conference Calls, and Unspoken Rules That Should Honestly Be Spoken

Overheard in Dubai: Office Culture, Conference Calls, and Unspoken Rules That Should Honestly Be Spoken

By Yours Truly

Ah, the corporate jungle of Dubai — where offices have espresso bars, but no printer ink… and where “circling back” could mean either an email follow-up or a passive-aggressive WhatsApp at 10:48 PM.

Welcome to this month’s edition of Overheard in Dubai, where we take you behind the glass walls of Business Bay towers, coworking spaces with questionable bean bags, and that one office in JLT where no one knows what the company actually does.

Let’s dive into the overheard chaos that is Dubai office life—equal parts luxury, delusion, and mild HR violations.

1. “My boss said ‘we’re all family here,’ and then gave me two hours’ notice for a Sunday meeting in Sharjah.”

Thanks, Dad.

2. “We don’t micromanage. We just believe in constant updates in five separate group chats.”

You haven’t lived until you’ve been cc’d, BCC’d, and WhatsApp’d on the same task.

3. “Why are there 14 people on this Zoom call when only two are talking and one is breathing into the mic like Darth Vader?”

This is the deliverable.

4. “He doesn’t do actual work, but he brings karak every morning so we’re keeping him.”

Honestly? Fair.

5. “She has a corner office but no idea what our company sells.”

Some people manifest titles. Others ask questions.

6. “My manager said the dress code is ‘business casual,’ so now the interns dress like they’re hosting a fashion show at Soho Garden.”

There’s always one guy in loafers with no socks and big ‘cryptocurrency energy.’

7. “He schedules meetings just to hear himself talk and once accidentally screen-shared his Amazon cart.”

Three self-help books, one ninja blender, and cologne named Success Alpha Extreme.

8. “She gave feedback that said ‘try being less… you.’”

No notes, just violence.

9. “I didn’t get the promotion, but I did get a reusable water bottle with the company logo and a voucher for a spa that doesn’t exist.”

Corporate wellness: sponsored by delusion and dehydration.

10. “We don’t do quiet quitting here. We do loud burnout with matching slides.”

The deck is 48 pages. The energy? Crumbling.

Bonus overheard in the elevator:

“If I have to explain the difference between CC and BCC one more time, I’m switching to mime.”

Honestly, mime would be a more efficient communication style in most departments.

In Dubai, office culture is a rich tapestry of cultures, caffeine dependency, and passive-aggressive emojis. It’s a place where everyone has a title that sounds vaguely made up, a LinkedIn post that sounds suspiciously AI-generated, and 100k+ followers on IG with two likes per post. 🤔

But if you can survive the meetings, the dress code whiplash, and the fact that your coworker keeps using the phrase “circle of synergy,” you just might make it out with your sanity intact. Or at least a free branded tote bag.

Next Week:

”How to Look Busy While Doing Absolutely Nothing: The Dubai Desk Survival Guide” “— A Guest Piece by My Former Boss, Who Thought ‘Bandwidth’ Was a Personality Trait and 90% of success is blindly delegating everything to your incompetent PA/girlfriend, then leaving early for a “site visit” that’s actually the bar at The Ritz Carlton.